Articles By Shelley
Benefits of Becoming a
Surrogate Mothers are Heroes
by Shelley Smith
So many components go into making miracles. Are the planets aligned just so? Is a star falling at just the right trajectory to clear a path through the planets, which can open a space for this magical energy to be created? Is the will of the angels so powerful that it can help us see beyond the scope of normal human experience? I’d like to think that a miracle is founded in love, one heart reaching out to another. Surrogacy and the blessing of a child is just that sort of miracle.
Much like a fireman rushes in to rescue a victim form a burning building, a surrogate mother sees the crisis of an infertile couple and longs to take away their pain. This is the selfless love that occurs. In my 15 years of running The Surrogacy Program and The Egg Donor Program, I have seen many miracles of the heart.
Women who want to be surrogate mothers have usually lived with that dream for quite a while. Sometimes, it takes a lot of convincing to their loved ones that they can handle letting go of the baby. They may need to work on the skeptics with charm, or in the case of their husbands, with more powerful wiles. My favorite husbands of surrogates are the initial doubters who reluctantly give in to their wives’ determination to see this thing through. By the end of the pregnancy, when their wives are big with baby, they are equally swollen with pride, active participants in the miracle, unabashedly teary at the birth.
One of my favorite memories was after the birth of darling twin girls, born perfectly and impeccably on the due date. Jennifer’s husband Ron was swarthy and burly. He wasn’t very expressive but his doe eyes suggested an inner pool of untouched sensitivity. The sight of Ron giving one of the twins her first feeding, his massive hands holding this petite bundle, brought us both to tears. At the Surrogacy Program, we know that the entire family is a part of the gifting process and we offer savings bonds to the surrogate mother’s children at the birth of the baby.
There are two big fallacies that people have about surrogacy. One is that the surrogates will have a hard time giving up the baby. I have never seen this happen. Surrogates rarely use their own eggs, and they know that the child is not theirs; some say they are “babysitting”. They do not want another child themselves at this point, but do want the experience and joy of pregnancy.
The other mistake people make is to think that a surrogate is doing it only for the money. Although the income from surrogacy can allow a mother to be able to stay at home with her own children or use the stipend to buy something for her family, the money is not the motivating factor. Surrogates really enjoy the experience of pregnancy, the delight of fulfilling someone’s dream. And they cherish their own children. They are some of the best mothers I have ever seen, and they want to share that with another family. There is one splendid moment in surrogacy that the surrogate visualizes from the first time she entertains the thought of carrying a child for someone else. This is the moment of the birth. The surrogates want to see the pure expressions of joy on the intended parents’ faces when they first hold the baby, and the vision of this one shining moment propels them into the experience.
I have seen an amazing commitment from surrogates. One woman spent two years of her life trying to get pregnant. Another, Jodi, one of my favorite surrogate moms, had a late term loss of a pregnancy, in the second trimester. It was a devastating event for both her and the couple. However, within two weeks she had sent me the original contract between her and her couple, with some changes. In all the paragraphs she had made changes regarding the deletion of fees so she could carry the couple’s next baby without any prohibitive costs to them. She couldn’t wait to fulfill her promise.
Tiffany, another glorious surrogate mom, delivered an almost 12-pound baby girl for her couple. Raising the bar for herself when she surrogated a second time for the same couple, she gave birth to twin boys within two years. They weighed 8.8 ounces and 8.9 ounces respectively. She never complained once during the pregnancy. When Tiffany came to our regular group meeting, all of us kneeled in respect, chanting, “we are not worthy, we are not worthy.” Gracie, an angelic woman who is only 5′ tall, is carrying twins for one of our couples who lost their only son to cancer. She has gracefully taken their hands, comforted them, and healed their loss with the gift of theses babies.
The experience of surrogacy is thrilling for surrogates; it literally leaves them in a state of bliss as they are filled with the goodness of their act. There is incredible bonding and connection that takes place between surrogates and their intended parents. The joy at the births is almost indescribable, and we laugh so much along the way. Surrogates are so proud to hear about the child and follow its life. It is an extraordinary human experience that I have been fortunate to witness many times in 15 years. It is what love is. It is a miracle of the heart.
If you are interested in finding out more about surrogacy or want to secure you own ticket to heaven, please contact The Surrogacy Program at 818-506-9300, or visit our website at www.surrogacyprogram.com. Shelley Smith is a licensed psychotherapist running The Surrogacy Program and the Egg Donor Program with great success, and has shared many heartfelt experiences with her lovely surrogates and egg donors.